Not only am I never the bride, I'm never the frickin' bridesmaid either.

So there's a teensy bit of pleasure in the realisation that no matter whom, where, or how much money you hurl at it, wedding dresses teeter on tacky.

Bridezilla might think she looks like Glinda the good witch in her frothy pouf of ribbons and lace, but let's be honest she looks just enough like a fat fairy to make me giggle into my champagne.

But presuming that someday it'll be me (we're open to offers here, boys) I need an event like White. It's a fashion show, whether you're to walk the plank or not, the type the general public are never allowed near. Forget visions of bridal guff, these are seriously stunning, sexy evening gowns from fashion gods such as McQueen, Ferretti, Dior and Valentino, and plenty of vintage gems.

And while you're sipping your delicious White cocktail, watching the show, you can riffle through your goodie bag stuffed with gifts from Moschino, Vera Wang, Elemis... worth close to £200.

That's gotta be worth the paltry £45 to get in.