I've had enough of this town. It's too hot, and it's too damned full of tourists. I'm gonna get me a huge great RV and start spreading some lurve to the regions.

Recreational vehicles (RVs) - or motorhomes - are where it's at right now. You just get in, drive off, and as soon as you get to end of your road, you're on holiday.

Now, design-literate readers may be feeling horror at this point, imagining those geriatric white septic tanks on wheels you see around, but that's not what I mean. With motorhomes you either go cutesy vintage VW camper and kit it out stylishly, or the other extreme: huge bling American RVs made by Winnebago/Airstream/Monaco, or ergonomic European 'A' class vehicles from the likes of Hymer or Niesmann.

No longer will the beauty of this island be blighted by refugees from Fawlty Towers, with their bedspreads, curfews, and flock wallpaper - with a huge motorhome you're the boss, and Everyone gets out of your way.