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Vegas - GIDDY UP!

We at UJ love Vegas. Laugh if you will - yes, there are blue hairs, big boobs, and bad wares - but that's what we're here for!!!

WHERE TO STAY
We love Vegas for the OTT décor (seriously! Venice gondoliers, fish tanks in the Mirage, a NY boardwalk, plain tackiness at the Flamenco - all in one block!), but over the years, they're also working on a slicker side.

Keep your eyes out for the Delano, Mondrian and W, as well as the other designer additions to some of the monstrosities, in an attempt to bring the décor up to speed. You'll notice a lot of stark interiors, looking refreshing, but out of place in their theme-tastic surroundings. We still say, go gaudy, or get out of Vegas. Here's where to stay.

Mandalay Bay
The Mandalay still seems to pull in a young-more-sophisticated crowd. And with four floors owned by the Four Seasons, they haven't scrimped here; highlights include large lagoon, beach, and an aquarium with lots of sharks.
3950 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 632 7777

THEhotel
THE place to have THE time of your life. Businessman and players alike love this super luxe suite hotel. Here you'll find the biggest rooms in Vegas (725 sq feet to be exact) including 42-inch plasma TVs, Frette robes and granite, marble and chrome baths. SO good you’ll want an entourage.
3950 Las Vegas Blvd South (yup, it's inside Mandalay Bay)
877 632 7800

Four Seasons
The classiest joint in town, and Vegas' top-rated hotel, takes you away from the oppressive sinning and winning of the strip, and into your own haven. With no gambling whatsoever, the peace and quiet lets you re-charge, so you have energy to pull another all-nighter.
3960 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 632 5000

Hard Rock Hotel
On paper, probably the last place you would think to find the hipsters in town, but with Nobu, nightclub Baby's and poolside drinking, this is where you'll find the fashionable under 30s - on certain nights that is. We're still not sure about staying here though.
4455 Paradise Road
702 693 5000

Red Rocks Las Vegas
Just out of town. Sin City's newest billion dollar spread is so luxe, and so detached that it's easy to forget what's just 15 miles down the road. You can run but...
11011 West Charleston Boulevard
866 767 7773

The Bellagio
The classic Hollywood style hotel. Famed for the Ratpack days, but surpassing itself year on year with a megalithic art collection, heavy-hitting show-stoppers, in-house Cirque du Soleil, indoor gardens, outdoor fountains (we love!), and that's forgetting the 3000 rooms.
3600 Las Vegas Boulevard South
702 693 7111

The Hooters Casino Hotel
How much business acumen does it take to think that the winning combo of buffalo wings, cheap beer and breasts on a plate could make the perfect bargain hotel? Here the girls do more than serve and shake, as they're dealers, too. Go here and buy the T-shirt.
115 East Tropicana Avenue
866 584 6687

The Paris
There's an Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe, and basically replicas of everything else you'd find in jolie Paris. May not be the real deal, but there is something fairy light romantic about this abode.
3655 Las Vegas Boulevard South
702 967 4401

The Resort at Summerlin
50 acres of lush landscaped garden, a spa the size of Wales (well 40,000 feet) alongside thoroughly healthy restaurants (from sushi to juices), all under one room - in VEGAS! Don't worry, before you think you're on Rodeo Drive, you'll be taken back to Sin City, with an all you can eat buffet. You didn't think you were getting off that easy, did you?
221 North Rampart Boulevard
877 869 8777

Venetian Hotel
We love it here. With a 'sky' ceiling that changes, indoor canals and gondoliers complete with striped Ts and operatic sonnets, this is as close to the real deal as it gets. Rooms are big, wi-fi actually works, there's a spa (with rock wall and healthy breakfast), and 2nd floor lagoon. Make sure you do your research before you get here, though - somehow we stayed here and missed the 18 restaurants! This place is a city in itself!
3355 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 414 1000

Wynn Las Vegas
Steve Wynn doesn't do anything in halves - and Wynn, the newest gentlemen's club in town, is a BIG, GOLD, surprisingly sleek tower. It's ostentatious, bling-tastic and well positioned on the strip. Come here if you're a carat-wearing golfer.
3131 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 770 7000

WHERE TO EAT - CELEBRITY HAUNTS
If you're a big chef, you've got an outpost here (CASH CASH MONEY MONEY), so below are the usual suspects - which are a nice treat after two days of bar snacks.

Joël Robuchon at the Mansion
Joël's known for his tapas style cheffing, and after HRH's (aka AA Gill's) praise last week of his London 'branch', we think this would be a prime mini morsel sampling spot. 16-course tasting menu (from £300 for two; we didn't say it was cheap!).
at the MGM Grand
702 891 7925

Mix in THEhotel in Mandalay Bay
You've probably been stung by his spenny pick-n-mix style menu at Spoon + before, but tuck in here at arguably Vegas' most sophisticated hotel (well, it doesn't have a roller coster) and you are sure to be well fed by Alain Ducasse's French-American menu. Great views of the strip, too... always better from above.
3950 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 632 9500

Boucheron at the Venetian
Can't get a table at Per Se or the French Laundry, then try Thomas Keller's Vegas outpost, Bouchon, in the Venetian. Expect a more low key bistro version than his usual gastro affairs. Still, may be the only affordable way to try a Keller surprise.
3355 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 414 6200

There's also a Guy Savoy (Paris) and Spago (LA) at Caesar's, Michael Mina (San Fran) in the MGM Grand (Nob Hill and Sea Blue), and Michael Mina at Bellagio, and a Nobu - of course - at the Hard Rock. And if you spent all your money in the slots, but still want to taste the talent, try a slice at Wolfgang Puck's Express resto, or maybe opt for his airplane menu ($10 add on), if you have a commuter... If you think Ramsay's overexposed, he definitely learned how it's done from the Puck.

WHERE TO EAT - CHEESE PLEASE
Want to get involved with the gaudiness, even when dining? The below should suffice.

Garden Court at Main Street Station
ALL YOU CAN EAT, with ALL YOU CAN DRINK mimosas from $5.99.
200 Main St
702 387-1896

Hash House a Go Go
Like spuds, then this is your place. Eggs/hash/and a variety of ingredients give this dive its name. Make sure you're hungry though, as portions are super sized, but still cheap.
6800 West Sahara Avenue
702 804 4646

Le Village Buffet at the Paris
Sorry, but the food here is great. Nestle into your Parisian corner (bear with us) and dine on a variety of made-as-you watch French dishes.
3655 Las Vegas Boulevard South
702 946 7000

The Lotus of Siam
Perhaps as known for its unassuming location - it's set in a shabby strip mall - as for its very edible Thai nosh. Its claim of being among the best Thai restaurants in the US seems a bit rich, but with a $5.99 lunch buffet we'll happily play along.
953 E. Sahara Ave
702 735 3033

WHERE TO DRINK - BARS
The thing about bars in Vegas is - as our Vegas spy tells us - they don't really exist here. There are restaurant-bars or clubs, so you're either dining, or hanging off a pole.

N9NE Steak House at Palms
Plebs and slebs alike love this steakhouse. Expect an upbeat atmosphere, good looking, albeit muscled peroxide crowd (aka Vegas chic), amazing bone-in-filets (Leo doesn't have this hand delivered for nothing), and seafood. People love it here, puts Ruth Chris' to shame.
4321 W Flamingo Rd
702 933 9900

Fix in the Bellagio
Dishes are simple, but well sourced (it's hard to get anything other than beef out in Arizona), but it's the Haberno Margaritas and Cucumber Martinis that draw a crowd. Carry on afterwards with drinks at Caramel, also in the Bellagio, which is as close to a bar as it gets, but nothing to write home about (drinks, DJs, dames and dudes, c'est ça).
3600 Las Vegas Boulevard South
877 234 6358

Social House in Treasure Island
AHOY! (Sorry, couldn't resist.) Don't be scared of Treasure Island - sure it looks like a Black Pearl for frat boys, but its new resto/bar has a late kitchen (food till FOUR Tues-Sat), DJs, and drinks - and actually pulls in a good crowd. There's also a patio with a view of the strip.
3300 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 894 7223

WHERE TO DRINK - CLUBS
If you really want to get involved with the cheese factor - you have to hit a Vegas club. They're big, they're brash, and there's lots of tiny tees, and ass slapping. And as in any other city, every club has its hit nights. The below is a Monday-Sunday guide of where to go, and if you're a group of guys, make sure you make some lady-friends before you even attempt the door (not news, we know).

Monday - Jet at Mirage
State of the art lighting, visuals, three rooms, four bars. Skip the Cirque/Beatles performance, and head straight for the bar.
3400 Las Vegas Boulevard South
702 693 8300

Tuesday - Pure at Caesars Palace
The only place on the strip - bar Ice - that plays house; they have a terrace that overlooks the strip. Guest DJs like Mark Ronson etc frequent here, too.
3570 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
702 731 7873

Wednesdays - Tangerine at Treasure Island
Burlesque shows (surprisingly perfect fit here), outdoor lounge decks and daiquiris all day.
3300 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 894 7223

Thursday - Tryst at Wynn
Tryst is pretty big, but the dance floor sits over a lagoon and features an open air waterfall with a 90 feet drop, so at least a bit of variety comes with size. We can only image the wet-t-shirt contests here.
3131 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 770 3375

Friday - Tao at the Venetian
Consistently good, but the sister bar of Tao NY is huge with 40,000 sq feet of dining and clubbing, so if Privilege freaked you, this may not be your thing.
3355 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 388 8338

Saturday
All of the above are good (read packed/filled with people begging to spend a fortune), but Jet, Tryst and PURE are especially so.

Sunday - Body English at Hard Rock
This is a music industry fave at the Hard Rock. Keep a look out for ageing rockers and agro rappers. (During the summer, the Rehab pool party at the Hard Rock has been compared to We Love Sundays at
Space.)
4455 Paradise Road
702 693 4000

IF you need to get off the strip - and can't quite face a sawdust bar (TONS off the strip if you're asking), then get back at the Beauty Bar in old Vegas on the the First Friday of every month. Our Vegas local says 'it's definitely a shitty part of town but cool to see once, and anyway they play all old funk and soul music, and it is the only place in Vegas to find and eclectic and diverse group of people'.

WHERE TO BUY - SHOP
Vegas already has a Saks, and Barneys ('07) and Fred Segal ('08) are also en route soon, but here it's all about malls. BIG malls, with all the usual suspects. If you need to spend MORE MONEY in Vegas, here are two malls that will help you.

The Fashion Show Mall
Sales season here beats anywhere. Get your elbows out.
3200 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 369 0704

Fashion Outlets
Head straight for preppy gear at Ralph Lauren.
32100 Las Vegas Blvd. South
702 874 1400

And should you forget your Vegas visor (best ones are in the Camden stables, vintage visors in a range of primaries, at the stall with the spenny Bathing Ape collections) stop at one of the big Woolworth-esque shops to get your fix.

WHAT TO DO
Besides the obvious, here are a few pointers.

Shoot - Las Vegas Gun Range and Firearm Centre
You can shoot guns in Vegas. Big guns (machine), handguns, basically any kind of gun. They have a range of different targets (very scary, choose your target's face), but a chance to speak with the staff here is worth the trip alone. This is the only place we got chatted up in Vegas - YEEHAW!
4610 Blue Diamond Road
702 386 4867

Gamble on the cheap at The Barbary Coast Casino
This place is a dive, but it has cheap tables (hard to find on the strip) live music, and karaoke etc. A nice change from trying to dodge the glares at some of the larger casino tables.
3595 Las Vegas Blvd. South
702 737 7111

Rockclimb at Red Rock Canyon
Always wanted to climb? Mine as well start at the top. This desert national park is one of North America's top climbing destinations, and is only 17 miles from Vegas. Rent a pimped out ride (there are loads of hot rod rental places on the strip - you may feel like a wanker driving it, but it's fun as hell) and head for the hills. This is definitely one way to clear your head. For guides try Mountain Skills Rock Climbing Adventures or American Alpine Institute.
Red Rock visitor centre 702 515 5350

Fly high with Maverick
Went to reach the sky, but rather be taken up than climb? Maverick Helicopter Tours are shockingly reasonable (equivalent to five mins on the slots) and take you on a variety of different tours; if you drove into Vegas, you have to see it from above.
Tours from $79 - 888 261 4414

Camp shrine visit - Liberace Museum
Speaking of blue hairs, this is a homage to the original OTT/camper than camp, gaudy queen (sorry Elton). Even if you're not a Liberace fan, we think the viewing of his covered in mirror Rolls is worth the trip(ish). Even if it's just to decide what to drive to Bestival in next year.
1775 East Tropicana Avenue
702 798 5595

Smithsonian art at Las Vegas Art Museum
Located way, way off-Strip in a sea of suburbia, the museum was chosen as an affiliate of the Smithsonian Institute and now travelling exhibitions from the national museum system bestow high culture on Vegas.
9600 West Sahara Avenue
702 360 8000

Koolhaas' Guggenheim at the Venetian
Rem Koolhaas is everywhere these days (Prada NYC, Japan, etc, and let's not forget this year's Serpentine Pavilion), and if you want to check out his Vegas double threat, visit his Guggenheim at the Venetian which makes a credible challenge to Bellagio Gallery of Fine Art's leading hotel gallery claim. At least it will be a guaranteed break from the surrounding gaudiness.
3355 Las Vegas Blvd South
702 414 2440

ENJOY YOUR TRIP!

THANKS
A HUGE thank you to Brandon Lee - our Vegas host with the absolute MOSTEST - and Lucas Atkins for their helpful tips and advice. And to MAXjet for sponsoring this nifty guide.