Emmaprovement Continues...

As you well know, I'm not a big fan of He's Just Not That Into You. The book basically ruined my life.

For years, it prevented me from doing what I do best, what all women I know do best: rationalising asshole-ish male behaviour.

For those of you not familiar with the SATC-based doctrine, here's a recap: He hasn't called in a few days = he's just not that into you. He's not spending a huge wad on dinner = he's just not that into you. He's concentrating on work at the moment = he's just not that into you. He can't make to the ballet because his leg was just amputated in a tragic traffic accident?

Wake up, sister. He not injured. He's just not that into you.

Seemingly, if they are really into you, they are "there". It makes sense, in theory; if you are okay with dating an unemployed, one-legged stalker.

HJINTY (pronounced Jinty. Silent H) became, among my friends, a catch phrase - a quick way of explaining what went wrong with Mr Right. Add the American HJINTY concept to the British nature of dating - where trading witty insults over rounds of warm beer is considered heated foreplay - and you've got a disaster. No wonder rabbit sales went through the roof.

So Greg Behrendt has come out with another book 'It's Just a F***ing Date'. This time, it deconstructs the dating practise, explaining to us silly, silly girls that a date is, well, just a date.

I'm asking you not to buy it. Because if you really read into these male-for-female advice books, there's really only one message: Shut up and let men make the mate-selection decisions (meaning, obviously, that fugly men can manipulate beautiful women into thinking they're lucky to have landed a guy. Any guy). And, obviously, don't make a fuss when some wanker Houdinis on you.

Whacked.

So instead, some completely contradictory advice. From women. Well, my friends, mostly. But some of them have boyfriends, husbands even, so clearly, it must work.

The "Aim high" policy: Men have a natural, shall we say, "entrepreneurial" nature - they always think they can do a little - or a lot - better than they can do. So don't trust their judgement. Also, it feels a lot better getting rejected by a popstar than a balding troll. Trust me. Sigh.

"V": Men hate female insecurity - it inspires near violence - but seem to go totally soft if you occasionally show a little vulnerability. Make something up - like a childhood botched kidnapping story, complete with Chloroform, if necessary.

"Run it to the Ground": Conventional relationship knowledge states that when your guy starts to lose interest, you should a) exit and b) keep your dignity. Screw that. Pester. Hang on. Cry. Freak out. Get in touch with your inner psychobitch. Eventually, your dormant dignity will kick in, or he'll get fed up of fighting and just fall in love with you.

"The Amy Theory": Once, in the back of a taxi, I was asking my friend Amy how she knew this particular guy fancied her, where she got her faith, basically. She sighed, wearily, took a long dramatic drag of her cigarette, furrowed her brow.