Paul Smith second row

Man in dark sunglasses: I love your hat. Who is it by?
Man in HUGE red hat: It’s a Margiela.
Man in dark sunglasses: It’s d-iv-i-n-e. Simply divine.
Man in HUGE red hat: Actually, it weighs a ton and my neck hurts.

PPQ after-after party

Fashionista, to the pushing crowd: “It’s London Fashion Week, not London Wrestling Week.”
The baying crowd: “Storm the Bastille!”

Super Super queue

Pretty thing: How long do you think we’ll have to wait to get in?
Polite doorman: It shouldn’t be too long now.
Pretty thing: But quite how long do you think?
Tall, hissy doorman: Dahling, this is Fashion Week! What do you expect?

Biba third row

Redhead: You know, I explained to him: "I like you, I thought this would
work out"
Blonde: You should have cards  printed up with that.
Redhead: Like at Smythson?
Blonde: Anywhere. it would just save you from having to repeat yourself every few months.

LFW soiree

Fashion girl, to door bitch: I brought a friend.
Door bitch: I'm sorry, he's not on the list.
Fashion girl: He’s in hedge funds, he's straight, and he's not my boyfriend.
Door bitch: Right this way. My name is Georgina, by the way.

ROUND-UP THUS FAR….

Sunday
Get out of bed at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morn to see Paul Costello? Erm, no. Instead we started off with Jean Pierre Braganza, who, even though he’s on-schedule for the first time, decided to show the same low-crotched trousers for boys and girls he does every season. Futurism never looked so old hat.

At Top Shop the front row (Jamie Winston, Pixie Geldof, Rachel Hunter and Kelly Osbourne) lined up to coo over leather trousers, animal-print chiffon tops, latex leggings and oversized knits.

Without Bella Freud at the helm, Biba’s show could have been mistaken for Zara Luxe. Pity.

Modernist was inspired by Twin Peaks to create an understated array of sculpted jackets, draped skirts and woolen mini dresses in navy, grey and black. Tres chic.

Osman Yousefzada, who took over the top floor of Mango on Oxford Street for his show, didn’t so much take his reference from the matador’s costume as recreate it authentically. He covered skinny pants and tight skirts in tassels, frills, sashes and regal embroidery. Just add an angry bull.

Jaeger London made its catwalk debut with the most accomplished, truly beautiful collection of the day. More Biba than Biba, the clothes gave a nod to 70s-era Jade Jagger and Marc Bolan with floppy felt hats, fringed leather bags, blanket ponchos, tartan capes and snakeskin-print floaty dresses.

After which, we went straight to the Jaegar party. It was a sedate affair apart from the odd stampede of heeled feet when the waiters carrying dim sum walked by. Let Them Eat Cake? No, that was another party down the road in association with Stunners International. Drag du jour Jodie Harsh DJed. Alas the drinks weren’t free, they were £8 each. So it’s off Hackney Road for Antipodium / Rubbish party. Jackson Scott schmoozed. Alexa Chung played records. And the east London massive danced to Bonnie Tyler. Every now and then I fall apart.

Monday
It’s PPQ day, hip hip hooray. The duo gave their usual prom princess aesthetic a clown spin. Daisy Lowe modeled while Lily Cole and the Geldof sisters giggled at her in the front row. Pixie’s new peroxided and chopped crop may actually not be so bad, but in the light of day Peaches is just far cuter.

Felder Felder made jersey dresses look decidedly grungy, though much more Sienna Miller than Kurt Cobain. Eley Kishimoto decided on ugly chic for AW 2008, the highlight being a big rabbit print in red and black. And Emma Cook also embraced the ugly stick by paring flesh-coloured leggings with lace-effect silky dresses.

A more organized affair than last year, Super Super showed a predictably unpredictable range of day-glo prints, leather dog masks and armless cowels, while Namalee, in uber Powerpop mode.

Best in show?
Golden girl Louise Goldin. She crossed armoury with American football padding to give body con dresses some serious boulder shoulders. Pom poms and mittens cuted-up her signature knitwear.

EYE SPY

Room With a View
What’s with the loos at the NHM tents? They’re (poorly) glorified unisex port-a-potties with an open door to the photographers’ lounge.

Most ubiquitous status symbol
Studded Laboutin heels. (Side note to 50-year-old woman at the exhibition: not to be worn with a matching belt and bag).

Horribly typical fashion moment of the day
Watching a wee P.R. intern get pushed to the ground by large male guest at Vauxhall. Not diva behavior, just bad karma.

Boozeless
We get that it’s only midday Monday, but we need a drink. Unfortunately there were no drinks. But meditative trance music at Tracy Mulligan in replacement? Way to know your audience.

Super Super
To the poor, young chap who tripped and fell flat on his face in front of the entire queue and was heard to mutter, with the a smile of resignation, “This is the most embarrassing day of my life:” Don’t worry. It gets worse.

PPQ
The most outlandishly dressed rubbed shoulders with Johnny Borrell and Will Young at PPQ’s two parties. The after party was at a FIAT showroom that looked like something out of an Austin Powers movie. The after-after party was at chi-chi nightclub Dolce; we’re hoping the double after-party catches on.

WE LOVE

Japanese buyers. So well dressed and so enthusiastic.

Masculine headbands. They kind of work in context. Kind of.f

The young chap at the Super Super show with the night-black and star-spangled face: utterly fabulous. gj

Edward Sexton’s comeback. Shame Hilary Alexander of the Telegraph came and left before the show even started…