Skalpel new album out today - enter the Remix Competition
Dirty boy

There are few things we at UJ like better than sex.

Long walks on the beach perhaps, cosy evenings by a fire, maybe - I digress.

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Best of British humour at the Just For Laughs showcase at Comedy Store tonight. 8pm. 1 Oxenden St, SW1. £12. 0870 060 2340 or online.

The Roman Polanski season at NFT continues with debut Knife in the Water and Bitter Moon. 8:20pm. South Bank, SE1. £7.90. 020 7928 3232.

The Greenwich Theatre is finally answering our siren song with a week-long extravaganza on our favourite topic. The illustrious theatre is putting on a series of performances and discussions on the taboo subject.

Festival highlights include the Comedy Gala on Monday, featuring Four Poofs and a Piano and Tuesday's performance of Talking Cock, starring Richard Herring. The masculine equivalent of the Vagina Monologues, the event finally allows women to laugh all they want.

Write us with ideas, feedback and comments, or if you have information about events

Darkish country from Allison Moorer at Lock 17. 7:30pm. Camden Lock, NW1. £14. 0870 154 4040 or online.

New beats & Future Sounds of Jazz at Jazz Cafe. 7pm. 5 Parkway, NW1. £12.50 book 0870 154 4040 or online.

Friday is the real climax (sorry) though. Miles Kingston will chair the debate titled English Men are No Good in Bed. Expect fisticuffs and hurt feelings as Kathy Lette and Leslie Phillips argue that there really is a need to lie back and think of England.

Sex Week at Greenwich Theatre - April 19-24
Crooms Hill, SE10
Box office 020 8858 7755

EC

Skalpel new album out today - enter the Remix Competition
It's a Slamdunk at Hackney Empire. 8pm. 291 Mare St, E8. £10-20. 020 8985 2424.

Vodka-fueled Scandi Beach Club is back tonite at Notting Hill Arts Club. 8pm-1am. 21 Notting Hill Gate, W11. £5.

Last week of The Wooden Frock at BAC, V&A's Brilliant and the photo masterpieces at Michael Hoppen Gallery.

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