Apparently our inability to take a giant Irish turkey named Dustin squawking 'shake your feathers and bop your beak' terribly seriously makes us bad people. The shame.

But if there's one thing we're entirely committed to here, it's alcohol. Yes, Eurovision lends itself very nicely to our national past time, and ironically, when it comes to related drinking games, nobody's keen to be British. Shots are scored by the amount of points awarded to nations, and as we all know, le Royaume-Uni scores nul. If you're happy to be a member of the Eastern Block for the day, however, you're likely to be under the table halfway through.