Bank holiday weekend; whatever your mood, we've got you covered. If you're feeling morbid, head to St Vitus' Dance. Got some unresolved ambitions? Break a world record. Fancy discovering a new continent? Africa's all yours. And if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Or, you know, don't. Whatever - it's your weekend. (But it's our guide, so keep reading.)

This weekend's guide is brought to you in association with Ardbeg, 2008's World Whisky of the Year. Distilled on the Scottish island of Islay, its distinctly peaty taste has wooed fans for years, and now it's unleashing the untamed spirit on London with the Beastie Mobile. And you thought all Scotland had was shortbread and tartan.

Daedelus Album Launch
Dance music's most unique character Daedelus launches his new album, Love To Make Music To, in style down at the multifaceted Corsica Studios this Friday. Spiked with an inescapable dose of Victorian boutique, think free flowing Absinthe, peep shows, tones of tunes and a little of everything in between.

Foreign Tongues
Once again, the beast that is Eurovision comes to Bethnal Green in a way like no other, as seven live acts, from Dutch trannsexual Euro-trance to Belarusian industrial techno, will represent seven different countries in the battle to see who will win your votes. Where's Terry when you need him eh? Altogether now: Royaume Uni? Troisieme points...

St Vitus' Dance
If the pervading joyfulness of the long weekend is too much for you morbid lot to bear, join the patron saint of dancing mania in the Barbican's vaults for dying flowers, slaughtered fluffy animals, broken toys and coffins galore, plus Iggy Pop's guitarist, Gary Lachman, discussing his book 'The Dedalus Book of Literary Suicides.' Cheery cheery.

Dressed to Kill
II wish I could dress to kill, properly I mean. Decapitation via stiletto would have to be my weapon of choice. Or maybe belt strangulation. Pick up tips (no, not really) at a 1930s inspired event in celebration of the second Fashion in Film Festival, featuring costumes, shopping, games, food, film, and DJ sets from Foxtrot Fanny. Wonder how she gets her victims.

Bestival Reunion Tour
Ending its whistlestop reunion tour in London, Bestival is launching its last hurrah with hip-hop legends The Sugarhill Gang, main man Rob da Bank behind the decks, and ending proceedings with Das Pop. Apart from the music expect a knitting tent, Lost & Found giant scrabble, and teepees. What better way to prepare for summer's main event?

UBS Long Weekend 2008
The Turbine Hall transforms into a micro art, music and performance arena for the weekend, but with macro events like artist Alison Knowles' vast serving salad for 300 and Patrick Wolfe's musical howling to Nan Goldin's enormous projected stills. I honestly don't know how they'll fit it all in.

Collapse @ Kashpoint
A celebration of recession, redundancy and repossession; ah the economic crisis may be playing havoc with our budgets, but it's can't kill the boogie. The boom or bust mentality is alive and well here in honour of Bishi's new single 'On My Own Again.' Dress as fat cat bankers in tatters and be prepared to slum it, in credit crunching style, to DJ legend Richard Torry's 5 hour set.

Sevillanas World Record Attempt
It's just too easy to get a Guinness World Record these days. Or maybe that's a pint of Guinness. I forget. Either way, if you've failed at shovelling crackers in your mouth, or your cousin's pet Jimmy missed largest hamster by a millimetre, have a crack at the largest ever flamenco dancing display, down erm, Regent Street. Very patriotic.

Four:Twenty
Bristol-based label Four:Twenty are teaming up with zine-ists and all-round party-people, Needwant, to serve up a huge, delectable slice of house-pie in this bank-holiday special. Presenting talent like Solomun, James Mowbray, a live Glimpse and Tomoki, with a 6am close and no sobriety required in the next 24 hours, quite frankly there's no excuse.