Ah, the eternal question: if Hitler were a hippie, would we be happier? Would he have taken part in (the conveniently German-named) Flugtag, or donned his drag-best for the Circus dancefloor? These and more earth shattering questions are answered in our weekend guide. What if the hokey kokey really is what it's all about? God we're wise...

This weekend's guide is brought to you in association with Betwixt, an adult fairytale set between two worlds in need of rescuing by a conquering hero and his great Queen; both male leads. Encountering seductive nymphs, theatrical troupes and a singing disembodied head along the way, this witty musical romp packs more punch than the chocolate bar and is twice as sweet.

Skidoo
Has anyone else noticed how, despite the unrelenting climate of retrophilia, the gaping hole that was the '60s has remained untouched, save for the odd hen night? Taking Otto Preminger's 1968 cult comedy as an excuse, the Curzon is out to redress the balance, with a beatnick/hippy-fest from 9:30, free beer for the fancy-dressed, and a screening at 11:30. Alas no kool aid. Squares.

If Hitler Had Been A Hippy How Happy Would We Be
I'm always rather surprised by how nice the Chapman brothers are. One rather expects them to have giant penises for noses, mumbling, bug-eyed, about enslaving the world in a series of ghastly machines. But only they would buy up a tonne of Hitler's (yes, that Hitler's) dull landscapes, and re-deck them in hippy paraphernalia.

Circus 2nd Birthday
A room full of clowns or drag queens - which is scarier? The jury may be out, but they'll both be here, along with Sophie Ellis Bextor and Alphabeat to celebrate Circus's 2nd birthday. If that's not enough, expect the usual cirque shenanigans and a dancefloor packed to see in the anniversary weekend in the freakiest.

Free Range
Like blissful, free-range chickens destined to have their eggs stolen, sold and eaten, 3,000 graduating art students get set to exhibit (and party off) the last three years of sweat, tears and paint, before being struck by the empty query of what comes next. Could anyone possibly construct a better analogy?

Savage Legends Vs Nuke Them All
Once you're able to put something like "evicted from last venue, a strip club, for being too raucous" on your CV, a nightclub like Nuke Them All starts to run out of mischief to cause. Or maybe it just opens more doors. Like this new joint venture with Savage Legends, featuring a billion bass-heaving DJs, and a whole ten-hour (plus after-party) marathon of carnage.

The Insomniacs Ball
Sure the Haunts and Ghost Frequency will be playing live in the main room. Of course Adventures Close to Home have got in the likes of Radioclit and Riton on DJ duty. And the Lovely Jonjo and Punks Jump Up may well be mashing it all up later on. But it's the giant birdcage with the cavorting firebreathers that really caught my eye.

Immodesty Blaize at The Sanderson
Nudity and nibbles - always a winning combination, especially when you're not even the one required to get naked. Performing as a one off for the Sanderson's newly installed Sunday Chill sessions, Immodesty Blaize will entertain while you enjoy food from Suka and sup cocktails til you're good, tipsy, and naked. Oh no hang on...

Tea Dance
First goes the Routemaster, then goes public smoking, and now, thank you Boris, it's goodbye to drinking on the Tube. Is there nothing British left that is sacred? We simply can't afford another loss, people. Especially nothing as marvelous as drinking tea, eating cake, dancing like old nutters and back to drinking tea again. Doesn't it just make you fell warm and fuzzily patriotic all over?

AITBF Summer Series
A recent beetroot experience involved a frightening trip to the ladies and the discovery that this rather special vegetable has some interesting dye-like properties once in wends its way through your insides. The Adventures in the Beetroot Field summer-long series promises no such nasty surprises, and kicks off tonight with mercurial talent FrYars for an intimate live performance, Trailblazing AITBF favourites the Golden Silvers, as well as London MC Dels.