In Scotland we had 'scoits', a particularly aggressive breed of chav native to the outskirts of Perthshire, renowned for spouting such marvellous insults as "Yer face looks like a melted welly," whilst wheeling their buggies towards the local Argos for a dose of bling.

In Durham, it was the Geordie chavs who frightened the life out of us poor, posh kids, revving their suped-up Vauxhall Novas, windows pumping out hefty two-step whilst their lady loves, decked in tribal Burberry check, congregated at the local bus shelter for a fag.

So it's with some degree of personal glee that I hear Ascot is banning chavs - if not directly, then with a dress code that rules out any chance of them making an appearance in their natural state.