Next weekend's a bit of a funny one. Not only is it a Bank Holiday (more drinking/hangover time: huzzah!), but Carnival Weekend to boot (meaning either charge West London, or flee it, depending). No matter what you get up to, though, it'll be messy. So then, for this weekend we propose a mixture of downtime, distraction and training taken once daily for the next three days. Junkies' orders.

This weekend's guide is brought to you in association with glacéau vitaminwater. With the hysterical ha ha ha hydration - this week's Thursday Night Hydration Club installment - happening tonight, remember to pop down after work for another quirky evening of music, laughter therapy, free glacéau vitaminwater and cocktails.

Click here for photos of the last great Thursday Night Hydration Club to get you in the mood.

Thursday August 14, 6-9pm • 3-4a Little Portland St,

Shoot Yr Idols
This is an achingly cool cinematic micro-season which really must not be missed by anyone with even an iota of interest in the American art scene of the 1950s-70s. With Edo Bertoglio's Warholian Face Addict as its centrepiece, the series also includes documentaries about LA's Ferus gallery, the disappearance of Danny Williams, and, screening tonight, the relationship between the enigmatic collector, Sam Wagstaff, and Robert Mapplethorpe.

Fidgit
It's a hip-hop thang down in South London tonight, as Plan B bring in A-Track (DMC champ and one half of the Fool's Gold label) to mix things up as he only he can do. So if you fancy a break from all that hardcore electro-carnage, the bitch-pop hysterics and slick-backed vintage swing-a-thons that's been doing the rounds, step up and catch the man in action.

Burlington Project
But of course, if summer clubbing means nothing to you without some long, deep, intense house, then Elephant & Castle might actually be where you should be heading tonight, as the social networking cum DJ appreciation site, The Burlington Project, hit the Corsica Studios with the Chicago house legend that is Derrick Carter. And when we say they'll hit it, we have no doubt that they'll do it hard.

Festa!
The People's Palace Projects and The Young Vic unleash the essence of the Brazilian Festa on South London, bringing to life a veritable host of South American myths, heroes and legends. Tonight's performative explosion marks the culmination of a full three weeks of intensive, incorporative workshops in dance, theatre, mask-work and drumming, so should be nothing if not impressive.

Tour de Hackney
Whilst Saturday's free festival will no doubt be fun, I'm personally a bit fest'ed out. So, getting into the spirit of the Shoreditch celebration without succumbing to the park-thang once more, how's about this two-wheeled tour through Hackney, taking in the Olympic Park, plenty of greenery, a few pubs (unofficially), bike ballet (a tragedy waiting to happen) and a Bike Polo tournament. With bikes for hire and great company, there's no excuse.

Best Laid Plans
As Robert Burns once wrote: "The best laid plans of mice and men / often go tits-up when you're out on a Sunday night, planning on enjoying a quiet one, but mysteriously and without warning find yourself dancing like a Ritalin-spiked teenager till the wee hours." With live music, DJs and mini-cinema screenings, these just might be the Best Laid Plans yet.