I have one word for you, folks: Carnival. Yes, it's that time of year again, when we take our work-free Monday and use it as an excuse to write the whole three-day weekend off in a stream of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Or admitting our age, and behaving properly. Or you could always escape to Ibiza for the weekend and escape this wretched excuse of a "summer". Tempting, no?

This weekend's guide is brought to you in association with glacéau vitaminwater. With their worryingly attractive helium karaoke - this week's Thursday Night Hydration Club installment- happening tonight, remember to pop down after work for another quirky evening of chipmunk solos, free glacéau vitaminwater and cocktails.

Click here for photos of the last great Thursday Night Hydration Club to get you in the mood.

Thursday August 21, 6-9pm • 3-4a Little Portland St,

Captive State + Factory
A bit of a mixed one this, as the Nick Franglen (of Lemon Jelly fame)-produced and Brian Eno-applauded electro-alt band, Captive State, precede their gig at 10:30pm with a joint performance alongside Factory of the latter's ever-changing, and much lauded production of Hamlet at 7:30. Think theatrical performance art in a Punchdrunk style, but with a high end electro-ish soundtrack. And a bonus afterparty under the same roof.

Noah and the Whale
Those almost irritatingly upbeat folk-pop sensations of the moment, Noah and the Whale, are settling into Islington's gem of a local, The Old Queen's Head, to spin a bit of vinyl (or CDs, I suspect), beside Kid Harpoon and a bevy of support. One to catch, most certainly, before a) they make it huge, and b) you get wrecked at Carnival or one of its alternatives this weekend.

Notting Hill Carnival
My first experience of the beast that is Notting Hill Carnival involved emerging from the tube station to behold a trio of paramedics, conversing closely like Macbethian witches, whilst four poor Carnival wounded sat beside them, propped up against the wall, vomiting synchronously onto their own feet. Remember folks: pace yourself - it's a long one. And sort you after-parties now. The Strange Worlds one looks pretty good. As does everything, in fact, this weekend.

Eastern Electrics
Of course, should the idea of tackling the great West London beast fill you with a tingling dread, then how's about something at the diametrically opposite end of town? Maybe SE1 for a mammoth Mulletover all-dayer including sets from the Trailer Trash, Vice, and Neon Noise camps? And if you like it so much, stick around for a similarly insane line-up on Sunday. 

Secretsundaze
It doesn't matter how great the gig is; after seven years it's hard for me to maintain interest in anything, let alone a club night. But then there are those occasions that practically holler for one of Giles and James's Secretsundaze all-dayers. Throw in the likes of Detroit's Keith Worthy, Carl Craig and Padded Cell's Richard Sen, and a day of minimal-techno-disco malarkey with a Monday off sounds pretty attractive.

Vyner Street Festival
This is the second day in this year's Vyner Street Festival, celebrating the art-infused Eat End stretch, through the combined effort of The Eel Collective and the classic boozer, The Victory. Amidst the artists' market, Tatty Devine is hosting a stall once more, and the band line-up for the weekend includes the twisted world of The Bobby McGee's, plus blues and folk from the likes of The Intolerable Kidd and King And The Olive Fields.