Has anyone else noticed the growing beat of Art in the air. Maybe it's just the impending weight of Frieze, Zoo, et al, but I swear we're all getting, dare I say it, cultured. It's a perverted form of relief, then, that there are plenty of all-night heavy hitters on duty this weekend to dull all those newly liberated brain cells.

Done with bog standard pubs, clubs, and theme nights? Well that's handy, since this weekend's guide is brought to you in association with Absolut. So, if you're in need of some inspiration for a totally decadent night out in the city, UJ have teamed up with glamorous vodka label to create a little black book of delights. Because in an Absolut world, any night is a Masquerade.

Art London
If your last attempt at immersion in the art world involved a fruit bowl and some watercolours, wash your amateur hands and head to Art London's 10th anniversary. Encompassing painting, sculpture, photography, works on paper, ceramics and glass, and with prices starting at £500, grab yourself an impressionistic nude or some haute couture photography, and leave the veg for dinner.

Late at the Tate: Altered States
If your altered states generally consist of mind-addling booze or a field fungus of some description, this is your chance for artistic redemption. Explore Francis Bacon's influences and interests via a 1950s style gambling den, film screenings, talks on the man's grooming habits and fashion, and a Screaming Pope. Sorry, did we say redemption? Our error.

This Is Not London
'Okay, so technically Greenwich is London. But sometimes it doesn't feel like it. Especially when you have to get home at 5am after a night of full-on, all-the-way, you and 25, 999 other debauchees have partied into the wee hours. And yet, still we're getting giddy about tonight, as Simian Mobile Disco kicks start the TINL series alongside the likes of Lindstrom and Adventures Close to Home.

The Mausoleum of Lost Objects
I was burgled once. Stolen, in no particular order, were a laptop, Von Dutch cap (oh shut up, we all had them), incense sticks, and a pile of CDs. I always thought it was a random assortment, and now I have a reason to memorialise and recreate them in artistic fashion with Matthew Krishanu. As it's a PG event, I might leave out the contents of my hard drive. Lucky thief.

Sci-Fi London Oktoberfest
Japanese cowgirls in bikinis killing zombies, American strippers killing zombies, jujitsu-practicing factory-workers killing zombies. What's not to like about this pre-Hallowe'en, mid-year film fest? And if it takes more than a few zombies to make your weekend, then there's the pilot of JJ Abram's latest offering, a veritable feast of anime, a dabble of horror, a dash of schlock, and did I mention the Japanese cowgirls in bikinis?

Domino Crystal Anniversary
When I was 15, I got a new bike and some book vouchers. When Domino Records turns 15, it gets the Barbican. And while Optimo are killing it outside (because clearly the Barb' isn't big enough), the post-punk/funk-imbued legends, Liquid Liquid, are over from Manhattan for their first ever London show, beside the Junior Boys, who will be previewing their forthcoming album. But I bet my bike's got more gears than them.

Orchestre Revolutionnaire et Romantique
Were someone to explore my musical links to the past, they would probably end up clutching their ears, mouthing 'WHY' whilst I bopped along to Ace of Base and Britney. For something just a teensy bit more highbrow then, look to one of the world's finest choirs and their musical retracing of Brahms' life and times on period instruments. Baby One More Time on the lute would be awesome though, no?

Rivane Neuenschwander: Suspension Point
A monumental art installation, incorporating minimalist elements including drilled holes, dust and perforations, plays out around a wooden structure set to create the floor from which visitors can view the gallery through a new perspective. Expect references to exterior landscapes via mini mountains and lakes, and a celestial sky along the lines of Arabian Nights. Nothing too grand, then.

Nodisko Vs. Codex
Headlining with French electro-genius, Brodinski (Kitsuné), this is an East meets West (Ends, that is) explosion of meaty club proportions as Nodisko and Codex clash like a latter-day Scylla and Charybdis in the newly re-launched Bar Rumba. Think sweet techno, deep minimal, and plenty of hefty bass-lines, as Severino, Zac Frost, Lazersonic, and Nico de Ceglia get together to earn you the mother of all Monday morning hangovers.