My mobile's missing. And I, predictably, am a mess.

No matter that I am on vacation (in Hawaii, no less). No matter that there is a landline, three laptops and two other mobile phones in plain sight. Without my BlackBerry, I feel vulnerable; bereft, even.

I've got nothing to scan when I'm bored on the beach, and, more importantly, no beeb-beeb to excuse myself from face-to-face conversations. No distraction, basically, from real life.

Give me a bottle of wine, a best friend, a packet of Silk Cuts and a personal crisis (hopefully involving someone I can call a "f*ckwit"), and I'll talk the hind legs off a horse. But other than that, I mostly rather to spend my quality time with my laptop and telly.

Ordinary conversations are awkward: I get irrationally anxiety before ordering pizza, for instance. I blush when shopkeepers ask me personal questions like: "Do you want chips with that kebab?", and I'd much rather drive off a cliff than ask a stranger for directions.

TODAY'S EVENT PICKS

50 emerging and leading artists create sculptures cast from sterling silver.
10am - 7:30pm, King's Place, 90 York Way, N1, Free.

New weekly pop quiz hosted by Indie store Rough Trade begins today, 8pm, The Lexington, 96-98 Pentonville Road, N1, £1.

Comedy and choreography in a dance homage to opposable thumbs. 7:30pm, Soho Theatre 21 Dean Street, W1D. £10 - £22.50

Strange but true stories unearthed from the Old West's most famous cemetary in Tombstone Tales. 8pm, Arcola Theatre, 27 Arcola St, E8. £15.