Hendrick’s Halloween Ball
The risen demand your appearance (in most Satanic attire) at St Anthony’s Dance, otherwise known as Hendrick’s Halloween Ball. There’ll be a baby-bashing Punch show, a booth of misfortune, a stuffed-animal eater, special ghost train courtesy of Bum Bum Train, singalongs, face painting, and music courtesy of The Broken Hearts and an orchestral ensemble, as well as a massive feast and of course, live snakes. He may be evil, but the devil sure knows how to party.

Le Château de Barbe-Bleue
White Mischief are bringing the terrifying tale of Blue Beard to life this Halloween, with an interactive theatrical experience based around the sinister aristocrat whose wives meet a bloodier fate than even Henry could muster. Frolic in the spa, join the silent disco, and meet the morbid inhabitants of the sumptuous, secret Georgian Mansion location. Four rooms, DJs, dancing, vaudeville acts, themed décor and the all-important smoking terrace; well, you’d need a de-stressing puff after slaughtering your wife too.

The Abattoir Pages
Left feeling a bit cold from Frieze? Didn’t get lucky with Free and the Zoo just wasn’t all it was cracked up to be? Head down to the Affordable Art Fair’s tenth anniversary show this weekend, where you can snap up arty originals from a meagre £50, with a glass of wine in hand. Make it three, four or five visits to the bar, and you might be walking away with a rather larger, ahem, investment, so imbibe wisely. UJ subscribers can get 2 for 1 tickets by printing off this page – so at least you’re saving a little there. Just don’t stumble into the park’s pond on your way home and reduce your watercolour to, well – water.

Singalong Rocky Horror Picture Show
It’s camp, it’s cult (if not exactly occult), it’s a classic; and now you won’t get hammered in the ribs for singing along. Join the transsexuals of The Annual Transylvanian Convention in re-enacting the Time Warp, rev up your engines for Hot Patootie, and don your finest oversized heels and wigs in homage to your favourite characters.

Dingle Dongle Halloween Special
This two-night extravaganza from the cool kids behind Dream Bags Jaguar Shoes kicks of tonight at The Old Shoreditch Station. Come dressed as your favourite childhood nightmare (contradiction much?), and get involved with some Jager-bobbing (apple bobbing for shots, much more grown-up), and music from Castle Cloudenstein and Dr. Darkness Wayward. If you haven’t quite had your fill, head down to Dreambagsjaguarshoes the following night for a gruesome ghetto.

Beach Blanket Massacre
Who knew the humble beach blanket could incite a bloody massacre? (Especially the Disney themed ones – Little Mermaid, seriously?) Tonight’s event includes a rip-roaring performance by Santa Gasolina on her dirt bike, Kink Ink drawing demonic models lusting over devil cakes, desserts and red wine, music from hell for the beautiful and the damned, and of course, a dress code of Road Kill, Dead Beauty Queens, Hungover Zombies and absolutely no beach balls. Agents of evil, those.

Fitzrovia Radio Hour Chamber of Horrors
Those maestros of 40s cut-glass, received-pronunciation accents and amazing hand-made sound effects are back in a special show of spoken-word performances with a spooky twist. Three tales of terror feature in tonight’s spectacle, including the war-time ‘Angel of Cemetery 51’, a revision session gone horribly wrong in ‘The Judge’s House’, and insanity-filled ‘The Patter of Feet’. If you can stomach it there’ll also tuck boxes and a buffet to keep your mouth occupied and your ears wide open.

Bloodlust Ball
The big daddy of Halloween events, the 4th annual Bloodlust Ball takes place in the stunning grounds of Hampton Court House, complete with 18th century gardens, a lake and secret grotto. Transformed into the Castle of Dracula for the night, the evening will be hosted by Countess Marya Zaleska – Dracula’s daughter and once real life inhabitant of the venue - and features cocktails, dinner, a Jack the Ripper Horror Show, and music by The Satanists and DJ Sam Young.

End of the World
Zombies are coming, the world is ending, and this is your last night to party. So, whilst the rest of the planet freaks out and cries, bring all your friends, leave your inhibitions behind, and live tonight like it’s your last (this could become a horribly convenient excuse…). Email in advance to let Queens of Noize know your last song requests, and dress as a Zombie (to confuse the real ones and stand a chance of survival, natch) or a brave defender of the Earth. The end is nigh – and we’ll all be smashed. What a way to go out.

Wish You Were Here New York Halloween Party
It’s almost time for our favourite cultural exchange programme to come to an end – but before we sent our new friends back to the Big Apple, we’re gonna bob for some at this New York style Halloween bash. The theme is famous New Yorkers, so come down as Woody Allen, Sammy Davis Jr, or Edward Hooper for a street-wide Halloween party complete with jack’o’lanterns, street food, live performances, and prizes for the best costumes of the day.

Slow Food Halloween Market
Yep – we’re exhausted too – and still slightly hyped up on Trick or Treating candy and blood-bowl punch. So, aside from staying under-cover of duvet darkness, the only thing likely to make us feel better is a wholesome, rustic food market with a tinge of a Halloween theme. Think of it more as a ‘winter warmer’; there’ll be pumpkin pies, slow cooked casseroles and hangover-busting organic fare from the kind of produce traders that snuggle up in bed early and breathe good, country air whilst we bust our lungs, kidneys and livers into early organ failure. Bastards.