WEDNESDAY 20 JAN, 2010

All Because The Lady Loves…

Yesterday Cadbury finally bent over and took its ’upgrade’ (read: buy out) at the hands of the giant that is Kraft Food Inc.

Now when I think of Cadbury, I think of a glass and a half of milk in every half pound. I think of writhing goddesses crumbling chocolate across their pouting lips. And I think that surely this is all because the lady loves Cadbury’s Milk Tray.

Kraft, on the other hand, is cheese slices, bigger bucks, Oreos, and at a stylish push stocking-filler extraordinaire, Toblerone.

"Goin’ all posh," as my great aunt would put it, is a tactic that was already well underway as a trend last year: Little Thief Chef got its Heston Blumenthal, MaccyDs its forest-green wingbacks, and pre-Christmas, Starf*cks on Conduit Street its library and antiques. And now even our perfectly respectable, slightly yellowed Wimpy has followed suit with a cherry-red Ed’s Diner-esuqe return as Wimpy 2010.

Whilst none of these brands could exactly be called small, the trend continues that through a considered push in apparent upmarket luxury almost anyone can re-emerge (with varying levels of success) as a more grown-up, respectable brand. Restaurants, hotels, even short haul flights – they’re all in on it (although those Air France seats do look rather comfy).

Such en-poshening clearly can’t come cheap, mind. And one look at the financial potential in British TV’s forthcoming US-style product placement (probably) and it’s now rather clear that we are absolutely in the wrong business.

UJ BURNS NIGHT PRODUCT PICKS

Planning on popping along to our Scottish soiree? Why not check out our Macbethian moodboard and get some sartorial inspiration for the night, for dapper laddies and bonnie lassies alike. We know you’ll be coming from work, so all we ask you for is a touch of tartan.

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MUSIC – When someone whispers "Gaetano is London's Sebastian Tellier" we head to Underbelly to check it out. Wed, 9:30pm. 11 Hoxton Sq, N1 6NU. £8.

MUSIC – Joey Negro leads the East Village's Haiti Fundraiser this weekend. Sun, 4pm-1am. 89 Gt Eastern St, EC2A 3HX. Minimum £5 donation.

THEATRE – Roger Rees replaces Patrick Stewart, meanwhile Ian McKellan is still Waiting for Godot. From Thurs. Haymarket, 18 Suffolk St, SW1Y 4HT. £16-£48.50.

ART – Last chance to catch the iconic Barbara Kruger at Sprüth Magers London. Until Sat. 11am-6pm. 7a Grafton St, W1S 4EJ. Free.