Articles
Originally published on Tuesday, 17th June 2008
Chavscot
Chavs have always featured in my life. I suppose I'm quite fond of the little buggers really.
In Scotland we had 'scoits', a particularly aggressive breed of chav native to the outskirts of Perthshire, renowned for spouting such marvellous insults as "Yer face looks like a melted welly," whilst wheeling their buggies towards the local Argos for a dose of bling.
In Durham, it was the Geordie chavs who frightened the life out of us poor, posh kids, revving their suped-up Vauxhall Novas, windows pumping out hefty two-step whilst their lady loves, decked in tribal Burberry check, congregated at the local bus shelter for a fag.
So it is with some degree of personal glee that I hear Ascot is banning chavs - if not directly, then with a dress code that rules out any chance of them making an appearance in their natural state.
No poorly applied fake tan, no strapless dresses, and nothing more than two inches above the knees. And knickers are a must. Just not on show, or round your ankles please, ladies. There's not enough benefits to go round.
Royal Ascot - 17th - 21st June.
