Wellbeing
Originally published on Tuesday, 10th March 2009
Cellu-blight
"You don’t actually have much cellulite. But you do have some fats," uttered in a thick Ukranian accent, is just about the worst thing you could hear on a Saturday afternoon. Or any afternoon, actually.
Say hello to Tatiana. With a background in Judo and physiotherapy, 7 years of body moulding experience, and a client list that reads like a who’s who of the Arabic Royal Family, she’s the go-to girl for the war on cellulite. And she’s just moved in at Urban Skin.
After exfoliation and a full body massage, it’s down to my ‘problem areas’ (to be fair, my bottom and thighs have been called crueller things). Pummelling and pounding combined with lymphatic drainage break up fatty deposits, followed by manual cupping the likes of which would send Gwyneth Paltrow into spasms of joy.
It’s painful, in the kind of way that makes you feel like something’s actually happening. And damn if she doesn’t know what she's talking about. On top of the moulding, she recognised my lower back was swollen and sore and incorporated some medical massage into the procedure.
So now I officially have a black ass. Not in a sexy bootay shaking Beyoncé way. More in a bruised, lost a fight with a tiny, angry plunger kind of way. But my bum is firmer, my thighs are smoother, and I can look at oranges again. Result.
£150 for 1.5 hours.
Results are visible after the first session, but a course of 4-6 treatments is recommended.
Urban Skin, Neville, 5 Pont Street, London SW1X 9EJ • 020 7235 3654
