So just where are the A-list hiding out these days?

Yesteryear's sleb clubs are looking a little worn, but for anyone wondering about the braying, Cavalli-clad mob in Argyll Street a couple of weeks ago, they were queuing for the £350,000 launch of Mo*Vida, the new V-VIP club from the Chinawhite/Aura brigade.

Last weekend Freddy Ljungberg and U2 hosted parties here. There's a concealed entrance leading to the Dom Perignon sponsored VIP room and valet parking for those who fancy the post-club drink/drive challenge; would-be members must attend a face-to-face interview.

The launch held a generous array of pretty people. Bryan Ferry, Victoria Silvstedt, Ivana Trump and Paris Hilton were also present. Old liggers and trashy airheads... Sounds like a place I know in Air Street...

Ever since a glut of 'exclusive members' clubs invaded the West End (think Elysium, Tantra & co: the Karen Millens of London nightlife), for the majority 'members' means wannabe strippers and businessmen getting it on to Nelly et al, while 'exclusive' has come to connote the privilege of guzzling overpriced champagne to a predictable backdrop of R'n'B.

We want to believe Mo*Vida will work. Please keep it Richard James and implant free.