You may believe Hoxton is the new Soho when it comes to clubbing, but I reckon the real home of hardcore clubbing is actually Vauxhall - trust me, I've seen people a-stumbling out of that place on the roundabout at 9am Monday morning for gawds sakes!

And as if ravers falling out of clubs when they should be starting the week isn't bad enough, there's Starkers! too, London's first fully nude nightclub for all comers. Ahem.

Well, they reckon it's for one and all, gay and straight, girls and boys, but evidence of women seems spotty, so it's questionable why straight men would want to go unless they've secretly got Andy Weatherall on the decks!

Nevertheless, Saturday's the night to get naked at the brilliantly monikered Starkers!, at South Central.

Personally, I'm keeping my powder dry until the next Carry On Starkers theme night. Altogether now, "Infamy, infamy, they've all got it..."!