Fashion and business: not the best bedfellows.

Actually, correction, fantastic in the sack - so much to discuss: what hedge funds mean, again? Bespoke suits, seriously better? - it's the boardroom where it gets a little confusing.

Blame it on Eurotrash and The Gays, but suddenly it seems that everyone are doing the double kiss - even in the most boring of business meetings. With middle-aged men. Named Nigel.

Is anyone really sure the correct decorum for the handshake/kiss-kiss rule? Fashion shows, ladies at lunch, boozy dinner party goodbyes at the door: all smooching. No getting out of it.

But in business meeting, where grown men and trouser-suited women will be looking over figures and actually seriously talking about money, surely this is the place for a steady handshake and steely gaze?

Apparently not, as one UJ staffer found out recently. On introduction, after being unsure on what the lauded company director was intending, she went in for the cheek, and ended up in a liplock, while he nearly winded her with his outstretched hand. Not the best way to meet.

So, please, people, new rules. Meeting for the first time? One, or both, of you wearing a suit? Substantial difference of age, position, gender or - and this is key - attractiveness? Firm. Handshake. Territory.

Anything after that is up to the parties concerned - but let's save the tonsil hockey, leg rubs and gentle bum pats for outside office hours.

Are we clear, Nigel?