Sick of all the sycophants in town? Having your conversations earwigged, your clobber eyed and the next table's talk fall suspiciously silent as you deliver that killer punchline?

Life envy is so bridge and tunnel it hurts. Anyone who shares these sentiments might be pleased to hear about a new way to dine.

And we're not just talking about the cabaret. Not only does Volupte Lounge host the London Academy of Burlesque's soon-to-be-cult Saturday tea event that extends late into the evening but, hidden amongst the vintage mags and the framed handbags a series of cutaway, graffitied dining booths provide a more intimate experience for those sick of having to rough it with the hoi poloi.

I’ll invite my squeeze to the super-discreet Moulin Rouge - a hidden red room with space for just two. My friends will join me in the half-concealed Perrier Jouet, daubed with the champagne brand's ethereal motif, and for overseas visitors we'll elect for the La Chapelle-style garden, in full view of the public but set on its own small stage. Because no matter what anyone says, it's still important to see how the other half lives from time to time.