Think you're the modern-day Casanova? Think luring ladies back to your lair is easy?

If not, The Complete Asshole's Guide to Handling Chicks should be top of your reading list. Written by comedian Karl Marks and lawyer Dan Indante, the book maps out the wily ways of the international rogue or asshole, as he is called stateside.

Covering such intellectual topics as "How a five-dollar [that's £2.74] date can get you laid" and "Where you’ll have the best odds of finding a one-night stand, and how to get rid of the chick the next morning", this book spells out the quickest way to be castrated in your sleep.

Ha ha. Just kidding. Really. We're not like that. Not anymore.

But seriously, I just read the first chapter and it made me feel physically ill. Gentlemen, this isn't the kind of book you’d want to get caught reading in public - and looking at the back cover picture of the authors, I'd seriously doubt if they’ve reached the double digits in the sex department.

That's mean. Sorry, Dan and Karl. I'm sure you're both tigers in the bedroom. Grr.

And for the record, £2.74 does not constitute a date. That is bus fare.