Not since the advent of donkey/ human porn has a more cringe-worthy site been viewed on the World Wide Web.

Introducing SocialRank, the site which rates New York's elite socialites in terms of personal style, press coverage, event appearances and the elusive "Hot Factor" (not unlike Simon Cowell's X Factor, perhaps?).

Voted bi-weekly by a team of designers, editors, a gossip columnist and a party photographer (read: sycophants), the site essentially rates the Big Apple's society using a point system and then decrees an MVP, or Most Valuable Princess.

We're sure that all those starving, straight-haired socialites are just quaking in their carcasses at the thought of the next election. Who will make the cut next week? Will Tinsley Mortimer be bumped by the, gasp, BRUNETTE Margherita Missoni? Could this, in any way, possibly affect their ready access to free designer dresses and illegal diet suppressants?

Probably not. But it does make us think about our own fair city and how we'd go about doing the same thing. Who's our Tinsley, Lauren, Margherita and Genevieve?

Our elite pampered heiresses - the Sophies, Arabellas and Victorias - are all too busy attending family weddings and marching for the Countryside Alliance to show up at a fashion show or shop opening.

Then we remembered. Right, we've got the Russians.

Privyet!!