Emmaprovement Continues...

Glasto Day 1 · Day 2 · Day 3 · Day 4

Friday morning Taryn and I go for a walk. It's beautiful in the morning sunshine, and everyone is so friendly, in their mangy hair and hempy ponchos.

There, but for the grace of God, I think. A few more Greenpeace meetings in Uni and I could be that braless woman in the Birkenstocks.

"Look out for Hunter wellies," says Taryn. They, allegedly, are the Aston Martins of waterproof footwear, and they're around. But where is the VIP enclosure, the restaurants and champagne bars?

"Backstage of the main tent. That's where you want to be; they'll have all the good stuff." says one of the photographers. "But you'll have trouble getting back in."

Please. Just show me who I've got to blow.

Then I find out about the VIP enclosure of Lost Vagueness, where the very rich pay £10,000 for the pleasure of proper flushing toilets, onsite showers, mini golf course and their own Tiki bar. Separated by a fence, the compound is guarded by vicious bouncers. Scissor Sisters are supposed to be staying there. And Pete Doherty. As the rain pelts down, flooding the grounds, I make it my mission to get in.

Right now, I'd pay £10,000 to have a flushing toilet. And then I think, no, I wouldn't because I would never choose to go to Glastonbury.

Taryn thinks it's important that we at least catch a show so we trudge through the mud to see Rufus Wainwright. I need a sit down after getting there, but, well, there's nowhere to sit down.

"So, we just stand here?", I ask Taryn. "Yep. Some people dance, or sing along," she says. "But no holding up lighters, right?" I ask.

She looks at me like I'm crazy. You can't really see Rufus, because of the crowds, but there a big TV screen so you can see his face. This is just like being at home, watching the coverage. But I'm wet, and muddy. After about twenty minutes, I'm ready to go. I ask Taryn what the plan is for tonight.

"Well, tonight I'm going to be spending some quality time with the Wet Wipes," says Taryn.

The Wet Wipes are the best purchase. Initially, I was quite generous with them, giving some to photographers, almost showing off about my brilliance in bringing them, but now, I'm getting worried. We only have 100. What if we run out? So I've hidden them. If it's survival of the fittest, I'm going to be clean.

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